dear beloved,
thank you for driving through the mountains with me, eating mary janes and listening to Nick Drake on the one year anniversary of my great grandfather's death. thank you for loving my widowed great grandmother as much as i do.

you are my only lover
and my best friend

your always devoted wife,
lauren

so i watched this amazing movie about esther last night and i find her to be such an inspiration. maybe i will name my daughter Hadassa

I keep having these dreams about some guy i have never met. I am really happy in my dream and everything is romantic. We are flirting and then he is very nice to me and we start going on a date.
When i married Matt, i lost a lot of my memories of previous boyfriends. i can only remember a handful, i mean i have been with Matt almost three years and when you throw the drugs into the mix i was taking when i dated these other fools, it causes a lot of memory loss, plus they were all very unimportant to me anyways.
but what i was trying to say is this guy in my dream is no one i have ever met or dated before. so it dawned on me this morning that he is made up. i must be making him up in my sleep because i miss those romantic feelings of a new relationship.
don't get me wrong, i love those feelings and i hold those memories of me and Matt close to my heart, but that's what they all become , memories. Eventually life gets real again and you have to ask yourself "is this person worth staying with even when the fuzzy feelings disappear". Its hard to find the romance when you are with someone 24/7, theirs baby snot on your sleeve, and you have a million and one things you need to get done to keep your lives running smoothly, oh and did i mention you need to do these things together, as in work together? I don't care how in love you are, that's stressful!
now this is not a post dissing marriage it is actually one for it. See, i think one of the biggest problems we have is we don't know what it really means to love someone. loving someone isn't loving them when you are one month into the relationship and everything makes you feel warm inside and you cant stop thinking about someone, that's liking,and that's infatuation. Loving someone also isn't all of the romanticism, the wedding bells, the moments of drama and tears. Love is when you care enough about someone to be nice and loving to them when they don't deserve it. its about being best friends with your partner and sticking with them when times get hard. i was married 9 months before i figured this out. that i wasn't going to feel those butterflies every second i was with Matt, i still get them, but real life gets in the way the majority of the time. but even if i left Matt because i wanted something new and exciting, it would last the same amount of time with someone else.
hopefully my dreams will pass soon.

I posted some of nmy jewelry tonight, so please

BUY SOMETHING!!!

i have made another pair of earrings for the shop

it will open up in about 2 weeks nothing but jewelry, and a new look for the warmer weather

so excited :)

here they are:





in other news

new things that i have been loving this week

my new gap dress- i couldnt find a better picture but its the larger of the two



new workout top to wear when i walk with indi ( it hides my tummy)



to life tea



tart burner + lemon lavender scent- the best ever





oragami note cards ( to send thank you's for my birthday)



my week in a nut shell has been hanging out with indi, and doing crafts. i have been trying to copy my mom one of my drawings she wants for her bathroom, and sometimes i will tape a piece of paper to indi's chair and let him draw too. that along with lots of jewelry making so i can reopen shop in 2 weeks.

i feel like i am drowning in human suffering today. what would make a man go on a shooting spree of innocent people? why do people feel the need to romanticize human suffering and death? why do children need to die. all i want to do right now is hold my baby tight and cry. maybe if we drink white tea together,and cuddle so close i can smell the baby shampoo on his curls i will feel a little better.

i feel really guilty tonight

my son is sick

my husband is stressed

and i feel like i have not been giving them my all lately

they are the most important people in my life

i am going to cancle all plans for the week and just be there for them

i hope no one gets mad at me :(

whenever i watch the duggars getting married i cry. they are so romantic. i cant imagine how special it would be to wait until your wedding night, its like a wedding gift. i am willing to bet money the duggar's will stay together 10 times longer then those annoying women on say yes to the dress who only care about the wedding and $$$$ cha ching dresses.

mango streusel muffins







jewelry making, which is a nice change from knitting



my new favorite band

two things i have realized i cant stand this week

1. super poesy pictures of people on the internet ( the kind where i know you never normally put your hands like that or sit like that)
2. unnecessary swearing

i finished two necklace's for the shop today, i cant think of what i am going to name this one yet but it will be one of my more classy pieces





this one i might name "rosemary's necklace"




the clasp is the best part

"I describe the book as having a conceit because it’s a work of fiction. No one will actually follow the rigorous mixing and freezing and scheming Ms. Seinfeld prescribes. I’m equally repelled by and attracted to her program. Without apology, Deceptively Delicious fully indulges in that retrograde 1950’s version of domestic life where the woman controls everything and does all the work happily from the back seat, and so cunningly that the husband almost thinks he’s the one with all the ideas and the map, driving the car."

i really hate women like this, its pretty honorable to actually stay home with your family jerk wad, just because i stay home and make homemade meals doesnt mean my husband doesnt appreciate me, or treats me like a maid, sorry if your does.

there is a difference between growing apart, and growing up.

so....

for matt



a pattern i want to buy so i can make these for all of my friends with daughters



some necklaces i want for summer





a coat i might buy thats on sale for next winter



new sheets for summer



a basket to organize the stuff in my shower

i never thought you would be the only one to move on with your life and find happiness elsewhere. im proud of you for growing up.

so yesterday this girl thats been bullying my sister sent her an e-mail in which she called her a "fucking whore". my sister and this girl are in 6th grade! 6th grade! this just reinstates how i feel about sheltering kids. im so sick of people saying that if we shelter children they wont be able to coup with the real world. obviously they cant coup with it because look at how they are using what they got from the "real world". why would i let me child watch movies where people are having sex, or cussing. why cant i tell them about it in the context they need to learn about it. i would rather have a shy sheltered child then one that gets pregnant at 13 or cusses out other people through e-mails.